ramblngs

Not sure how to communicate the experience of the last few days. Weather has been terrible - which prevents operations, and some that are of great importance to the long term success of the mission in Paktya. So, there has been a good deal of waiting around - to be sure, taking care of details, upgrading living conditions on the COPS, etc.
For me personally, these last few days have been a time of questioning - specifically, what will I do long term, what is the best course for my family and I in service to the Lord - and general care for one another. Some elements of this ministry are especially hard for me. Like most, I really like having a 'mission.' I realize that ministry, evangelism, bearing witness to the Lord - that is a mission - but one that, for most, is exercised in the context of daily life - in and with the folks with whom we work, sleep, eat, play. It is very much the same in the Army, with the exception (for a chaplain) - that I have to find opportunities to involve myself in the daily lives of soldiers - I have to, sometimes, create them.

In that sense, there is no 'finished product' for me after a day of work. Granted - there are moments - especially after providing especially needed counsel to a soldier - or praying with another for forgiveness and Christ's Lordship - established in his heart, those are moments for which I would not trade anything. Then there are days when I have to 'look' for work - when the military mission is the priority - and the role of the chaplain is to pray - certainly a vital role - but one that sometimes feels like an afterthought, or - maybe more accurately - one that is difficult to justify as employment. I feel sometimes like I am missing the satisfaction of a mission completed - and I don't wonder that most chaplains struggle with this from time to time. This can be the absolute best job in the world, and sometimes the most frustrating.

Very difficult to put words to my feelings. If I were C.S. Lewis - I am sure that I could word this in such a way that you would all be able to immediately comprehend and relate. You know - I am sure that a lot of folks would say, 'I can't imagine what the problem could be! The government is paying you to witness to Christ - and to those who are in perhaps the greatest need of that witness!'
I completely understand that sentiment - still, wonder sometimes if it would not be better to be paid for a product - and the witness to Christ part be free, wrought of love - for Christ . . . not the paycheck. Still, I would do this work (for now) if the Army paid me as an E4 - it is not the money for which any chaplain serves (at least, not at first).

Sometimes too, there is the fear that we are moving more and more toward some grand equivocation - where all religion is considered to have the same end, and thereby equally worthy of acceptance. I understand fully that, a big part of my existence in the military is to support the free exercise of religion of our soldiers - regardless of their bent and conviciton. Still, at this point, I do that because Christ has given all of us freedom of will - I do not do that out of compulsion that just any faith, other than the one faith rooted in Jesus, is worth pursuing. But ours is not a religion like Islam - compulsory - nor has our Lord ever approved of an evangelism that is not grounded in freedom and love. Still - doesn't it seem like the direction of things is more and more toward a toleration that bleeds over into syncretism? I think the day may come when many chaplains will have to choose between allegiance to our Lord Christ and allegiance to the State and a paycheck.

Well, a little over a month and a half have gone by - and this seems to be the time that things start to get hard, at least in the short term. The newness of deployment is dissipating- and through the thinning mist, we can just make out the mountain of days we will climb before the outline of home is visible. I think the next month will be hard for all of us - and a time for consideration too - of what the Lord will do - what He wants to do in our lives. Please Lord Jesus, use this time to speak Your will clearly - and by the grace of difficult days - make us responsive. You never looked for 'work' in the sense that I do Lord, but You dedicated Yourself to the Father, spending your days with Him - and Your life was broken bread for us. Lord Jesus - that our experience of life and work would be the same - dedicated to You, consumed by You, broken bread in Your hands.