Leaving Home

Tomorrow is my last day with Jamie and the kids.  The kids are asleep.  Bedtime was predictably difficult, though not so much as I had perhaps imagined.  Hannah and I recommitted to write faithfully and send presents!  She is an absolute treasure to our family - given to extremes of temperament - when she is happy, she is almost assualtingly so; and when she is angry, there is no almost about it.  Last Sunday, Hannah and I had our last 'date' before I leave.  I figured that she would want to get dressed up, and, with me in my uniform, enjoy a nice 'sit down and order from the menu' restaurant; where the waitress would comment on Hannah's stunning ensemble.  Hannah decided, after very little deliberation, that Chuck E. Cheese was more in keeping with her disposition.  

After running through about 50 tokens (which sounds like a lot - but goes pretty quick, if you haven't had the pleasure), over our shared chicken sandwich and apple desert pizza Hannah articulated her contentment - saying, "Dad, I feel like God made me for Chuck E Cheese, just like He made you for the Army."

So, success achieved . . . I guess.  She is all energy, but with a bent toward compassion and tenderness, and I can't imagine life without her.  

Bram and I went tubing at Hillberg Ski Lodge at Elmendorf Air Force Base last Friday.  We had a great time - and some great talks while riding the tow rope up the mountain.  If you know him, I do not have to tell you the depth of emotion that he possesses.  Though I am sometimes overcome at the thought of leaving him for another year, I am so grateful to God for such a son.  

It is an amazing trust that God has given to parents, to love and to raise His children.  Not that I have any lofty ideas about the purity of either of them (they had dispelled all such foolish notions by the age of 2!); and not that I credit myself with any particular depth of insight into fatherhood - only that, writing this at less than 30 hours until departure - my sentimentality level is somewhat higher than normal - and likewise my appreciation for God's gifts.  Anyway, all that to say, I have been blessed by God to be burdened, challenged, entrusted with Bram and Hannah.

Jamie is the rock of our family.  Anyone who knows us well knows that is gospel truth.  She routinely calls me back to azimuth.  I lose faith in myself with some degree of frequency; she never does.  She remembers why we are here, Who called us to this in the first place.  She simply will not succumb to anyone else's expectations of her, as an Army wife, as a Chaplain's wife, or any other defining role.  Jamie, more than anyone I know, knows who she is, Who's she is, and vigilantly lives in the light of that knowledge.  I absolutely cannot imagine life with any other partner.  She is God's gift to me, to Bram, to Hannah.  

I am thankful too, for my parents, who raised three boys, of whom I was the least difficult (some sources say).  I am also the best looking, though I suppose that may be open to debate.

My mother is a model of grace, and has one of the most intimate of relationships with Christ.  I find it difficult to express just how proud I am of her, and how much I have learned of God's mercy and love through her.  She never fails to call me to trust and faith in Jesus.

My father too, is an always faithful encourager and supporter.  Anytime I have news to share, be it celebratory or otherwise, Dad is the first one I call.  He believes me to be a better man than I am; and consequently, I want to be a better man than I am.

My brothers are both great husbands and fathers, servants of both God and Country and I am awfully proud of both of them.  Clif is a Marine Staff Sergeant, currently assigned to the Marine's Mountain Warfare School, and he is all heart - always.  He has a great wife, Kimberly - who loves him committedly, and a beautiful little girl, Audrey (aka Pumpkin).  Colby is a Teaching Pastor and Worship Leader in Eerie, PA.  He's by far the most gifted of the three of us - and he too is blessed with an incredible wife, Kristen, and two boys - who I am sure will serve as payback someday.  I wish that we were able to spend more time together.

Our Church Family, back home in Flintstone, GA is to us, the Body of Christ.  I mean for that designation to include all that it was intended.  They are support, encouragement, rebuke, prophetic word; they mourn and rejoice with us.  We are indebted to that family - and love them responsively.  

The children's group at Chattanooga Valley Nazarene (our home church) recently sent me a box with letters, cards, phone cards to pass out to the soldiers, and a blanket that I will cherish.  Thank you guys very much!!  It is very Alaskan (with Moose all over it) - and, as each fringe was tied - my Soldiers and I were prayed over.  Those folks constantly amaze us with their kindness and affection.

Well, so - in about 30 hours I will walk down the snowy street and board a flight to Afghanistan.  Its actually a little big for me to take in right now.  I really do have a sense of peace about it all.  Either I am in a state of willful denial, or the Lord is serving as our comfort.  I am mostly sure it is the latter.  We have really maintained a focus on the positive.  Jamie has planned some really great activities over these last few days (like the painting of a family mural depicting this new chapter in our lives - and our avowal that God is the Author, and will be the Finisher of it).  We have talked about our plans for staying connected this year.  We have voiced our love for one another - and reaffirmed our faith that God's design is the development of our character - He is forming all of us (not just the Chaplain) in this adversity.

His plans toward us our good, and we are committed to receive each day as a gift, designed by a loving Father.  Will we only take the pleasant experiences and reject this less desirable gift?  Or do we judge Him a safe resting place, worthy of trust, when the paths He bids us walk are difficult and uncertain.  Finally, we must conclude that He is the only certainty.  I have learned that lesson at the feet of many teachers - Libby and Samantha Gilley are two of them.  

Well, I will conclude my ramblings for the night.  May the grace, and the peace, and the certainty of God's love be yours.

matthew